celebrated

My birthday was on Thursday. I turned... well most of you know what I turned. I can honestly say that it was possibly the happiest birthday I have had in my adult life. I had taken to traveling on my birthday and doing it up big. However, in all of those cases something small interfered with my ability to genuinely soak up the celebration of the day/week. I often let little things cloud my appreciation of the day. But, this year, because I did not have major expectations, I just went about my business celebrating life. Every corner I turned was a surprise and a smile. I enjoyed it as I walked on campus and had near strangers tell me , "Happy Birthday!" I ate dinning hall food, and enjoyed a typical day. However, it was different. I am so satisfied. I am so at home. I am so able to be myself in my current environment that every step felt like home and every person I talked to felt like family. My new friends celebrated me in a big way both on Thursday and last night. Some tried to embarrass me, some decorated my door, and some just treated me to dessert. But, they all made me feel special. It doesn't take much to make a best birthday. I guess I don't have to seek it out so much as embrace it right in front of me. There is a joy of the Lord that surpasses understanding, and that is exactly how I feel. I am so grateful for the family I have here. When you are surrounded by believers who long to build you up, you find that you are.

Soundtrack: Meant to live, Switchfoot

Unashamed

I chose the verse at the top of my blog very intentionally. Every phrase has some sort of identifiable significance to the way I live my life and understand myself in relationship to God. In particular that little phrase, "who does not need to be ashamed" continues to return to me as a reminder of the completeness of the freedom we gain in Christ. I love that I have no reason to be ashamed. I think Christians often carry around shame from two perspectives. First, we feel shame of our faith. We feel ashamed that we believe something that is so controversial and polarizing. We are afraid of the potential conflict that our faith poses to the culture around us. We shy away from proclaiming the things we believe and trust for fear of rejection and misunderstanding from our peers. In a much more veiled way we often carry around with us a shame of the tension between sinfulness and piety. Within the community of faith there is a shaming of sin. Condemnation within the walls is very present, and it is difficult to be a Christian and feel allowed to fall and confess because of this overarching shame. Additionally, we are ashamed to be living out the process of sanctification. We are ashamed to live in the fullness of a relationship with God as though our faithfulness is a commentary of pride over those wallowing in sin around us. How did we degenerate to this? Where is the freedom?

I have learned that the best way to combat all of this shame, which is not from our Father is to surround yourself with people that love you enough to see you in Truth. It is vital to fortify your spirit with Truth, and the easiest way to do that is to have people speaking unashamed truth into your life. These are people that see all the muck, but also see all of the hidden treasures, and love you enough to call you out when you are wrong while waiting to encourage you when you are right. This has been my prayer recently. I long for relationships in Wilmore in which foundationally we see each other in truth: good and bad. If it weren’t for the people in my life that I give permission to tell me “No” when I need it, I would be a very different person. I don’t know if I would be an ego maniac or a shell of a soul, but I know I would be different. It is in the brokenness of man that God can truly work. We should not be ashamed of our sin because if we continue to hide it, how will we ever let go of it? I value authenticity, and I believe that God does too. He will sanctify, but we first have to recognize our need for Him.

Soundtrack: Unashamed Love, Travis Cottrell

Prayer of Adoration

We had an assignment to write a prayer of adoration focusing upon God’s omnipresence, omnipotence,and omniscience. I feel like it shouldn't be wasted on an assignment. Won't you praise God with me:

Oh great and majestic God! We worship You. You are ever present in time and space. Your eternal love dwells in earth, and heaven alike. Jesus, Emanuel, You are near to all cultures and people groups. Holy Spirit, Your saturation is immeasurable. Beautiful Creator, Your thumb print is visible in all of Your design. You are eternally alive. We praise You for Your ability to meet us where we are, simultaneously, across the universe. We do not understand Your vastness, but we praise You in it. Father, we are grateful that You are waiting when we call upon Your name! You meet with us at the Holy Table, and draw near to us in the sacred moments. Like a wave crashing over us, we rejoice in Your majesty!

Lord, You know all that is, was and is to come. You see all; You discern the secrets within the hearts of men, women, and children. You attend to the tremendous eternal events, and You cherish the fleeting mundane moments. You know and foreknow wholly, and still mysteriously in Your knowledge You sustain our freedom. You are never afraid of or shocked by our choices. You see the tapestry of time in perfect chorus praising Your Holy Name, they resound together lifting You up. Creation is exposed naked and free, rejoicing in its Creator. We cannot hide and must recognize Your beautiful gaze.

Matchless Defender and Protector, You have the power to accomplish all that You desire and originate. Nothing is too difficult for You. You never contradict Your divine goodness, love and justice. Savior, we exalt the saving and absolute power of the Cross. You have and continue to accomplish more than we are capable of understanding. Oh, Lord, our God, all of the earth submits to Your power. Spirit, You never deny Your awesome authority. You are more than worthy. You alone are God. We submit our offering of praise.

Soundtrack: Famous One, Chris Tomlin.

unexpectedness

I walked across the lawn to get some notes for a class, and I was struck by how much the weather currently expresses my feelings. If you could take a picture of my heart, it would look like our current Kentucky Weather. It has just barely begun to snow. The flakes are big and strikingly beautiful, but they whip around on the wind as if frenzied from excitement. There is an anticipation of something remarkably beautiful soon to fall, but the present state of conditions catches my breath. It is shocking, and exhilarating. The wind is fierce and strong, but it lacks direction and purpose. Hope is truly a gift from God. There is something very childlike in me as I walk through the snow, simply wanting to capture the cold of one flake. All other thoughts leave my mind, and I am consumed with what is present before me. Coming inside, the residue of the cold remains on my nose and fingertips. I am now absent from the storm, but I am pleased with the reminder that it waits for me just outside.

Soundtrack: Let it Snow, Everlasting God, Chris Tomlin, and Love is Waiting, Brooke Fraser.

holiness/spirit-filled

I went to the World Cafe on Monday. http://www.asburyseminary.edu/world-cafe This is an event where our community came together to vision cast for the next few decades. It was an honor and exciting to be a part of such a momentous event!

One theme that came up particularly from our international students is the current connection to the Spirit's move and how differently it looks here than in their own countries. We learn in the classroom that the Church is exploding all over the world, particularly in the Southern Hemisphere.

While I feel more freedom to share my belief in an active and present Holy Spirit here than in many places, I still sense an undercurrent among some of hiddeness. Why do we sideline the move of the Spirit? Especially in a city that is known for its great revival in 1970. http://forerunner.com/forerunner/X0585_Asbury_Revival_1970.html

Asbury Theological Seminary was founded more than 80 years ago "to prepare and send forth a well-trained, sanctified, Spirit-filled, evangelistic ministry" in order to spread scriptural holiness around the world. Asbury Seminary continues to hold to this mission, providing holistic ministerial preparation as an interdenominational institution. http://www.asburyseminary.edu/about/history-of-asbury-theological-seminary

One of the ladies in the dorm is a member of a Vineyard Church, and in discussion has expressed her frustration at the lack of instruction on participation with the Spirit. In a country where we submit ourselves to the philosophical methods of academia, should we do so at the detriment of the fullness of what God has for us? Does this disengage us from the greater Academy?

Soundtrack: Intoxicating, David Crowder

Ash Wednesday

Come, ye sinners, poor and needy,
Weak and wounded, sick and sore;
Jesus ready stands to save you,
Full of pity, love and pow’r.

Refrain:
I will arise and go to Jesus,
He will embrace me in His arms;
In the arms of my dear Savior,
Oh, there are ten thousand charms.

Come, ye thirsty, come, and welcome,
God’s free bounty glorify;
True belief and true repentance,
Every grace that brings you nigh.

Come, ye weary, heavy-laden,
Lost and ruined by the fall;
If you tarry till you’re better,
You will never come at all.

Let no other trust intrude.
Let not conscience make you linger,
Not of fitness fondly dream;
All the fitness He requireth
Is to feel your need of Him.

Today is Ash Wednesday, and for most people it comes and goes without a notice. For most Christians it passes with barely a thought. However, in a community of Christians seeking to understand a call to ministry it doesn't pass by. It lingers. It permeates. It seeps into the cracks of the campus. I smell burnt pop-corn, and I am reminded of the ashes on my head.

I love church tradition at its best, and I think Lent is church tradition at its very best. We sang "Come Ye Weary" today in our Ash Wednesday service. I was struck by the line, "Come ye weary, heavy laden, lost and ruined by the fall; if you tarry till you're better, you will never come at all." How true. We are ruined by the fall, and until we have wrestled with that and until we have accepted that fact, we truly will never come to Jesus. How great a God we serve that he has made a way to make right our ruin!

JD Walt's sermon was over Luke 9:24 (NIV) For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.

He challenged us to meditate on that truth. I have nothing to gain from this world, but everything to gain by giving my all to Christ. He said that Ash Wednesday is not about changing behavior, but instead is about changing the slavery of one's heart FROM sin TO Jesus. Get past what you are giving up, and get at what you're laying down.


Soundtrack: Come Ye Weary

pop the collar

I am taking Methods and Praxis this semester. The professor is older, and wise. It is a 3 hour class, that's 3 hours straight on a Monday night. I'll be honest, it is difficult to pay attention. Some students (no worries, I won't name names) spend the class period on Facebook and The Onion and other classic Internet time wasters. I keep myself focused on the class by paying attention to the details of the room, my class mates, and of course the uniqueness of my professor. Larry Wood is interesting to me. He has a very clean cut image. For the last 2 classes he has worn a button up shirt with a sweater over it. I am not exactly sure why, but I started to imagine how ridiculous and entertaining it would be if he were to pop his collar, Kanye style, not to be confused with creepy frat-boy style. So, we will see. Dr. Wood has this twinkle in his eye that reminds me of David Haygood. I used to walk into David' office barefoot at the scandal of all of the Wesley Monumental staff, but he found it charming. I think Dr. Wood appreciates the freedom and confidence of a young woman and would oblige if I asked, after I have formed an appropriate teacher-student relationship. We will see. If I am able to succeed, then I will certainly post the picture!!!

Soundtrack: Jesus Walks, Kanye West

Love Feast.

Today is Valentine's day. That means very little to me, but I was invited to go to a "Love Feast" on campus thrown by the Community Life. What a blessing to come around a table and share the love of Christ on a day that gets true love wrong so often! We prayed, ate dinner, played games, and laughed. At the end we picked a name of someone else there to send a piece of encouraging mail in the SPO (Seminary Post Office). This is the church loving as Christ would have us love.

Soundtrack: Total Eclipse of the Heart, Bonnie Tyler.

hyesun

One of my favorite parts of seminary so far has been the diversity of the student population. When I arrived on campus the RA had posted a note on the door stating that when the new students arrived we were to call the RA on call. The guy that answered told me to go to the Asbury Inn to get my keys. I walked back to the dorm, took my purse upstairs and when I was coming downstairs to get my stuff I found the cutest little Korean girl standing in front of the dorm. She was not at the door with the note. I walked her up to the Inn to get her key, and we became fast friends. She is my favorite person to talk to. She is naive and vulnerable in the most beautiful ways. She is hungry to learn, and ill equipped to do so. I snagged her a banana last night at dinner because she had wanted one. She left me a note in my room and Korean cookies, which were only OK. She is always more generous with me than I am with her. She has called me a "comedian." So, somehow the girl with the least amount of cultural context has seen the truth of who I am.

Soundtrack: Shout to the North, Passion.

Credo

"Christians who first said credo ("I believe"") did not do so lightly, but at the risk of their lives under severe persecution. We listen closely to those who are prepared to sacrifice their lives for their belief. To say credo genuinely is to speak fro the heart, to reveal who one is by confessing one's essential belief the faith that makes life worth living. One who says credo without willingness to suffer, and if necessary die, for the faith has not genuinely said credo" (Oden, Classic Christianity, p.8).

I am taking Basic Christian Doctrine with Dr. Steve Seamands this semester. The above passage was part of my required reading for this week. It impacted me in a significant way. I began to wonder what would happen if we as Western American Christians said our creeds as though our life was in the line and we had no fear of it. How amazing! Can I say this creed every time with the passion and conviction that I am putting my life in danger just by proclaiming what my heart believes?

The Apostle's Creed is genuinely one of my favorite things of having grown up Methodist. I have said this creed weekly for the better part of 30 years. It has seeped into my soul and carved itself on my heart. My heart needs to hear spoken out loud what my head and mouth proclaim. My heart renews its faith by proclaiming that I believe these things. If I am given the opportunity to marry I want the act of saying credo to be my first act as a married couple. I want to transition from "I believe" to "We believe" in a ceremonious way. I want to proclaim that I trust that my family will live by a faith in a triune God that is good and provides for my needs.

Oden goes on to say that originally the creeds were used as a way to teach catechism candidates the basic tenants of the faith so that when they are baptized they will understand to what they are giving themselves. They would memorize the creeds. They would carry around in their hearts the truth given to them so that they would never forget who they are. I can't help but compare it to the way we train our soldiers to respond in a prisoner of war situation. They are to repeat their names and rank. They are prepared to give their lives for this cause, and yet they find the strength to stand in harms way by repeating who they are over and over again. I am reminded that I am redeemed and loved by a gracious God when I say the creeds. My identity is not my own, but instead that which he has given me.

I believe in God the Father Almighty,
maker of heaven and earth;
And in Jesus Christ his only Son our Lord:
who was conceived by the Holy Spirit,
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, dead, and buried;
the third day he rose from the dead;
he ascended into heaven,
and sitteth at the right hand of God the Father Almighty;
from thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit,
the holy catholic church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and the life everlasting. Amen.

Soundtrack: Doxology, David Crowder Band.

Look! It's snowing!

I woke up this morning to SNOW!!!! I am glad that snow is something that has been rare enough in my life that I still consider it to be a wondrous and momentous event. I made some of the other girls play in it with me. We made a snow lady. Her name is Delilah, and she's hot. It makes me wonder if when we are saturated with the best life has to offer do we become immune or jaded to its beauty?

Soundtrack: Hey there Delilah, Plain White T's.

The Moment.

I went to church with my roommate on Sunday to this very "seeker-friendly" non-denominational church. I say I went to church, but in reconsidering the afternoon I could rather say that I went to see a U2 cover band and a preacher. (I had to rethink how to describe him, and because I am trying to learn to be more gracious I went with how he would want to be described.) As members of the church participated in the service their "new birthday" flashed on the screen under their names.

During the service I journaled, "When preachers get it PAINFULLY wrong- salvation is not a moment in the middle. Salvation is not praying the Romans Road. It is not fire insurance. It is simply, not that simple. Seeking doesn't end when we become a Christian. Following doesn't start when we become a Christian. We are called to "work out" our salvation."

Philippians 2:12-13 (NIV) 12Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13 for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.

Woe to the man that teaches Salvation is man's business or action or choice or that salvation is a "moment." I am reminded that a culture of tracts is a modern invention. C.S. Lewis described his own salvation as though he had been "waking up from a dream." He began to live the life as a Christian as he sought God, and somewhere in that seeking, He was found. He says that one day during church he realized the he believed. He didn't know when it happened, but he was assured of his salvation. This model of needing a "moment" is flawed and denies the faith of many. I must state here that I acknowledge that this model has been helpful and illuminating to many, and therefore has great value, however, Salvation is simply not that simple.

America and the West rests too heavily on an experimental "moment." What about tradition? What about sacrament? This is why people have to be re-baptized because we invalidate any path toward salvation that does not align neatly in our accepted terms of salvation. Is it our job to judge the way or to worship The Way?

Soundtrack: Beautiful Day, U2

How do you respond?

I recently had an older lady that I know through Christian circles tell me that she believes in reincarnation. I stood there stunned not knowing how to respond. As a southern young lady I have been taught to honor my elders, however, I am a bold woman of faith. The paradox within me was crippling. I found myself struck with a loss for how to respond, and I am not often without words or thoughts or opinions. She shared with me a fully developed understanding of where she had lived and who she had been "in her past life." If she had been some punk 7th grader I would have known exactly what to say. I would have been clear and distinct. I wanted to scream. I wanted to ask her dozens of questions, but I didn't.

Do we miss opportunities to evangelize the elderly because we are afraid of being disrespectful? She is a church goer. She worships on a regular basis. But, has she missed the gospel message? Is it possible to have gone to church 80 years, having cooked meals and made quilts and attended prayer meeting without ever having encountered the risen Lord? Have we failed her by making church about pot lucks and Sunday School? Was I disobedient in not correcting her? I just stood there stunned. Have mercy on me for my inability to speak. Have mercy on her ignorance.

Soundtrack: I will not forget, Enter the Worship Circle

Why do we do the things we do?

I am actively considering making my blog live, and in doing so I am forced to reconsider what I have posted already to this blog and what I am willing to post to the blog. I feel myself wanting to hide things that I have discovered about my friends or have revealed about my friends. Why do I want to hide these things? How is this serving them? It is truth. It should be brought into the light. I love these people, and I want to protect them. However, I am burdened to consider whether or not it is actually protecting them. Should we pursue Truth at all costs? But, then I am forced to consider that none of my friends or family members asked to be a part of my blog. Just because I am choosing to make MY life public does not imply their implicit consent as well. I hope that if I share something about you, you will take it as an act of respect. It means that even when we are not together I am thinking about and praying about your well being. I am not gossiping or trying to share confidential information. If there is anything that I have posted that offends you, PLEASE tell me. I am a highly relational person. When I am not with you, I am thinking about you. I am praying for you, and I am processing what is going on in your life. I take our friendship to mean I carry this load with you. We are in this together, and I am honored to participate in your life. This often means that I write about the things that are floating around in my brain which is often those closest to me. I will try to keep names as confidential as possible, but I recognize that I live and love in a relatively small sphere of influence. Lord, help me to know what to share and what to keep private.

Soundtrack: The Uncomfortable Truth, Nneka

Saving the World

I have a regular customer at Glenn's that comes in just as much to harass the waitresses as to enjoy our food. I shared with most of my regulars that I would be leaving to work on my Masters' degree, and if they asked I would explain that I was going to seminary. If people want to know your personal details, they will ask. He did, and I could tell that he was confused and that he was not a believer. He told me that he goes to the church of the Saint Mattress or something like that. Over the weeks he would ask a few questions and make some little digs, but all in good fun. He came in the night before my last and when he was leaving he grabbed my hand and said, "No, really go save the world." He was expressing to me that he thought it was honorable. I find that when people try to give me the glory for doing something good that is really just me being obedient I am often given a grand opportunity to redirect the glory to where it rightly deserves to be given. I simply said, "I'm leaving that up to someone else." He cocked his head, and I said, "We call him Jesus." He smiled. I smiled. It was a good moment. May you always take the chances to proclaim God's glory and be patient to use the appropriate moment to do so.

Soundtrack: Holy, Holy, Holy.

soundtrack of my life

I would love for you to hear the soundtrack of my life. I find that most significant moments and many insightful thoughts that I have are either propelled by music or underscored by music. I find that songs find a way to say, no not say, express the feelings of a moment better than my best chosen words. Lyrics are poems, and therefore carry a depth of meaning that my exposition never could. This is why music is so important to me. I'm not gifted musically. I know enough to recognize what is good and what is crap. I am going to go back through some old posts and list at the bottom the word "Soundtrack" and then a song that I associate with or even experienced when I was writing that post. I will try to continue this with new posts. Who knew that MySpace and it's "listening to" feature would be so profound? Don't you feel like you have a better understanding of a situation if you knew what musically influenced that moment? What would a movie be without songs underneath? How many times have you heard a song and said out loud, "I love that movie!" Me too. That's how I feel about my life. I hear a song, and I think, "I loved that moment!!!!" I think that we have musical emotional memory and that is part of how we file away significant moments in our lives.

Soundtrack: Deciphering Me, Brooke Fraser

Expectations

I had some time to think today what with the 7 hour drive and all, and I realized that I do not have any expecations for my experience at seminary. I typically over analyze and and plan out my experiences by fantasizing every possible outcome to a situation. That doesn't seem to be happening now. I am...

I am not afraid.

I have nothing to prove. 7-8 years ago I would have... I've been the center of attention in other seasons of my life. I've done that enough. I am secure in who I am. I am not searching to discover myself, but to refine mysef. No, allow myself to be refined.

Soundtrack: Land of the Living; Enter the Worship Circle

Asbury Student Missing

Asbury has a news feed for faculty and students on the website. I noticed Saturday a piece of news that said an Asbury student was considered dead in the Hatti earthquake. I had noticed postings of the student being listed as "missing" since the earthquake. I was struck by the significance we give to closure. I considered what it would be like to have a funeral and to mourn the death of a loved one without having a body. I know people do it everyday, but I can not imagine the way that would haunt you. Simply put, this is a pain that never dies. It is a I imagine there would always be a shred of hope that the loved one would be found or reappear. How do you let go of something if you can never know whether or not it (they) are gone? What a paradox! I am forced to recognize that thousands of people are dealing with that kind of closure right now, and every disaster leaves a whole host of individuals dealing with uncertain grief. What does that do to a nation? How can a nation look to the future if they can not close a chapter of their history?

Soudtrack: Blessed Be Your Name, Matt Redman