viva la cinema

What has happened to the film industry? Why is the landscape so bare and flat? By now you must know I am quite the film buff. I like to see the movies that are nominated for big awards, particularly the Golden Globes and, of course, the Oscars. I am that nerd that prints out a ballot, highlights the movies that I've seen, and list my predictions and my picks. I usually do pretty well on the major categories and kind of guess at the technical awards. Regardless, I have been following film in a meaningful way for about 12 years now. I have noticed a significant decline in the quality of the films being produced; not in a moral character kind of way in which many Christians ignorantly complain, but instead in the creative quality and overall excellence. I tend to care more about the "talent" part of film making, so I am basing my observance mostly on the performances of actors, directors, and writers. Let's go over the movies nominated for best picture drama and musical/comedy for the Golden Globes this year.

Avatar: I haven't seen it yet, but I don't get the hype. I appreciate that it is innovative in the way we do CGI... bla bla bla. Whatever. I can't get myself excited about going to see it because I don't see plot or performance when I see the trailer.

The Hurt Locker: Good, poignant. Worthy of a nom.

Inglorious Bastards: Interesting. Creative. Typical Quentin Tarintino.

Precious: Powerful, profound, sad. Worthy of a nom.

Up in the Air: Indulgent, predictable, and disappointing.

500 Days of Summer: Charming, delightful.

The Hangover: Bathroom humor at it's finest.

It's Complicated: The only thing notable in this movie is John Krasinski's comedic timing.

Julie and Julia: Lovely, smart with great performances. Worthy of a nom.

Nine: OK for a musical. Marion Cotillard was spectacular.

The sad thing is that the only movie I deem worthy of a win, Invictus, wasn't even nominated for a golden globe. And the rest of the landscape this year is painfully bleak. It is a sad sad day when you can only come up with 4 movies genuinely worthy of an Oscar nomination in 1 year. And here we are at the cusp of a new day when we will have 10 nominations. Pinning a medal on a pile of dung doesn't make it smell better. Why falsely celebrate terrible movies? I don't get it.

Let us compare to 1999 when American Beauty rightfully won for best picture. In that year the other 4 movies nominated were all also superb: The Cider House Rules, The Green Mile, The Insider, and The Sixth Sense. Not nominated that year were Girl, Interrupted; Fight Club, Boys Don't Cry, Magnolia, Being John Malchovich, Notting Hill, The Talented Mr. Ripely, The Matrix, Star Wars Episode I, and Angela's Ashes.

In the not nominated category I see 3 of my top 10 favorite movies of all time, and possibly my favorite chick-flick. I often have movies that I love dearly. I am not delusional enough to think that my quirky taste should reflect America's cinematic history, however, I believe we can do better. Girl, Interrupted challenged me and affected me deeply. I think Angelina's performance was spectacular, and it has a lot to do with why I am fascinated with her. Saying that, I do not think it should have been best picture that year or even nominated for that matter. It appealed to me, but did not meet my "best picture" criteria which is that a movie should be entertaining, inspiring, do well at the box office, and be technically/creatively executed flawlessly. I am not saying that all Oscar best pictures should post Titanic numbers. And I am certainly not saying that Avatar deserves best picture because it made money. I think a "best picture" should have all of those qualities. This year 500 Days of Summer was my favorite movie, but it shouldn't be nominated for best picture. This year best picture should go to Invictus simply because it is the only movie that meets all of my criteria.

How does this happen? What went wrong in Hollywood? Where are the movies that entertain, inspire, do well at the box office, and are executed flawlessly? Shouldn't all movies hold up to this standard? We should not have to endure having The Hangover as a Golden Globe winner, much less an Academy Award winner. Revolt! Hollywood: Make better movies, please!

Soundtrack: You Make My Dreams, Hall & Oats

An act of faith

Soundtrack: Already Gone, Kelly Clarkson

7-13-09

Last night I had this very vivid dream. In light of my prayer time I think the interpretation is pretty obvious. Something was wrong with my heart. It was hardening in places, but there was a doctor who could fix it, and I had a strong sense of assurance that this doctor was capable. Just before the operation the doctor had to go somewhere. Even though there was a back up doctor that I was told was good enough, I refused. And, I flung myself on the floor and yelled out that it wasn't fair. I chose to wait for the one I trusted would heal my heart rather than risk my life on the one that may or may not be able to fix my broken hard heart.

~ A journal entry I ran across when I was going to write in my journal today. I had forgotten about that dream, but I think it illustrates my perspective on love nicely. I stand by my desire for one day of the real deal at 80 rather than a lifetime of mediocre.

Soundtrack: I want you to be my love. Over the Rhine

EGR

There is this girl that used to know. She pushed all my buttons, and I consider that she is everything that I can't stand about America and the south*. People that fall into this category are indeed the only true group against which I am prejudice. She is a redneck that doesn't think she is. She has those tacky nails. She is greedy, she is passive aggressive, thinks that white people are superior, and she's just all around bratty. She is incapable of thinking for herself, and is not a believer until you ask her, and then she chooses to be with the "in crowd" which means Christian in the south. Her "faith" is impersonal and disingenuous, and it is repulsive to me. I cringed every moment that I had to be around her. I wanted to hit her. I am reduced to the most human and broken and disgusting parts of myself when I was around her. She made snide remarks about how much better she was than everyone, which I find terribly offensive. I tried to be grateful for every moment that I had to endure her. Nicole once told me about a youth worker that she labeled EGR, or "Extra Grace Required." I can only BEG for God's grace because I am incapable of loving this woman. She is my lesson in grace.

* Please note: I love both America, and the south, however there are things that are often considered American traits, and Southern traits that do not apply to me. These are embarrassing stereotypes given to these two groups. I grieve when people live up to the stereotype.

Soundtrack: She's Country, Jason Aldean.

*Note: I heart that song.

i've been thinking

I have been thinking about what the perfect couple is. I have had several friends get married recently or will get married soon, and that always makes me think about what I want in a relationship. I have decided that I think the best relationships are the ones where one person is really into something that the other person enjoys. That makes them the expert who gets to teach the other one all about their passion. For instance, I love good movies. I would love to marry someone that kinda likes good movies, but isn't as interested in all the nerdy details as I am. I look forward to days when I have picked out a great movie that we can both enjoy. There are a lot of things that I enjoy but that I don't think about doing on my own. This is one of the elements that makes a great friend. I have a friend that is really interested in fashion, and I have enjoyed her teaching me things about fashion. I have a friend with great taste in music, and because of him I appreciate music on a different level. My friend Laura is getting married, and during her bachelorette evening she asked the girls for advice. Most of them are married, and the advice turned to TV at one point. Now, I know this is a very small part of the bigger picture, but I think it applies. They were complaining about their husband's "shows" and talking about how much their husbands hate some of their shows. Why can't we watch TV together and take it as a learning experience. There is nothing on TV that should cause conflict in a marriage. Sit and ask why your partner enjoys that show. Sure, having compromise shows that you can both enjoy like The Office is a great strategy. However, I think it is more beneficial to learn to love what your partner loves. Finding a partner should expand your life. There are so many things that I would love to learn more about, but I know that I will never take the initiative to do them on my own. Do you know anyone that likes photography, hiking, camping, concerts, plays the guitar, sings, surfs, plays ultimate, can drive a stick shift, knows something about french cuisine or working out, loves to dance, water skis, plays golf, or any number of things. I would love to know more about all of that stuff, and I think having someone that can teach me about them would be great.

Soundtrack: Everybody, Ingrid Michaelson and Next Best Thing, Nikki & Rich and Show Me what I'm looking for, Carolina Liar

My perfect morning

I am embracing something I have known about myself for a long time, but never thought to articulate it... I am a beach girl. This was a lesson learned later in my life, having grown up land locked and not a fan of salt water swimming. The kind of beach girl that I am is specific. I am not the kind of person that wants to hang out at the pier and sit shoulder to shoulder with strangers. Yes, I am still a city girl, but this, this moment right now is perfection. It is the perfect manifestation of my softer contemplative side. I have said many times that I need "Jill time," and this is precisely what I mean by that phrase. Most people know my fearless extrovert cheerleader, never met a stranger side. And, yes, I am that. I crave relationship and laughter and peace within community. But, just as much, like the ebb and flow of the ocean I now watch, I need these moments when I can sit and be intimately real. I am simply alone with the love of my life. I also crave peace within solitude. We get so busy hanging out with other people that sometimes I forget to steal away and hang out with my Jesus like this. No study, no singing, just sitting together appreciating something beautiful and our love. I am loud and obnoxious, but I am also quiet and demure. I am submissive and I enjoy the peace of alone. I am a beach girl. I am a city girl. I am a paradox. As most lessons I have learned in my life, this is a "both, and" not "either, or."

Soundtrack: Hungry, Ji Lee and Kevin Mann.

Broken Hearted

I just found out that a dear friend is spiraling out of control. Drugs. Stealing. Prison. I would never have expected to associate any of those words with this person. I'm not even feeling it yet. I am not upset. I am not crying. I'm not even angry. I am numb. I am in shock. Where is the line? How do you help? What do you do? Lord! Have mercy on her soul. Use even this to bring her into your grace. Redeemer, have your way.

Soundtrack: Come Home Running, Chris Tomlin

pay attention boys

If a girl gives you seemingly random out of the blue unrelated information... It's an invitation.


I was at this store, and one of the guys that works there asked me if I was looking for something specific when I was standing enjoying browsing the books. I do that a lot. I will go and stand among the books I love and think about what I learned when I was reading them, or who inspired me to buy that book, or what lesson God taught me through that book. I told him that I just like to check on some of my favorite authors to see if they have written anything new. He asked who, and I told him Rob Bell, Lauren Winner, Brian McLauren etc. He knew who I was talking about, and even had some suggestions. The way he responded and stared at me, I knew he wanted to talk more. It was that look you give someone when you are shocked to find someone similar to you. We all think that we are unique, or at least a part of a super cool and exclusive club. Another woman walked up, and his job required that he help her instead of continuing to chat with me. I hung around for a few moments, but eventually went on with my shopping. A few weeks later I found myself in the same store and the same clerk appeared as I searched for a calendar for work. I found myself giving him a lot of details about where I work and when I work because part of me wanted him to have a chance to seek me out. That was months ago now, and even though I still go to that store, and he still pops up everytime I walk in the store, I am over it. I wasn't that in to him in the first place, but his inability to accept the invitation laid out made him terribly unattractive. Why is it that men think women are complicted? We really aren't. We want you to be bold and pay attention to what we are saying. We give you hints and invitations all the time. You just aren't paying attention.

Soundtrack: Better, Matthew Mayfied

Student of Love

Lord,
As I learn more about love, forgive me for all the moments in which you have showered me with love and grace and I was blind to see.

Soundtrack: Your Love is Extravagent, Darrell Evans and His Grace is Sufficent, Jennifer Knapp

Puzzle

I often wonder why there are people in our lives that we see every day for months or years at a time who can be lifted out of our lives with little to no consequence. I had dozens of teachers in my life that I saw daily for 9 months, and I no longer remember their names. There are people I have worked beside for years, with whom I have no lasting bond. We are shoulder to shoulder with these people, and our lives rub up against each other, yet somehow our lives do not connect. They are inconsequential to our story, to our purpose.

Then there are those people that are, often times, instantly profoundly significant; like we are a puzzle piece and they fit us perfectly. Part of them is meant to relate or connect to part of us. The relationship is effortless. The acceptance and mutual understanding is immediate.

When I watch a movie I often mentally reinterpret the characters and situations on the screen into my own life in order to appreciate the universal truth being told in the story. These are the faces I see when I watch a romantic comedy, a tragic drama or maybe an action adventure! This is why we cry at movies or commercials. It's why every song we hear is about them. It is not an uncanny ability to empathize with those flat characters. It is our ability to feel again the feeling we had when we were the girl standing in front of the boy who clearly wants more but is too scared to get hurt again.

One of my best friends called and left a message on my phone this week. She is expecting, and I am thrilled. We are matching puzzle pieces, and therefore, her child is overwhelmingly powerful to me. I see babies every day, but I can’t wait to meet hers.

How do we know who those people are? Why are they important to us? Why do the moments meeting them, or the shared experience that defines us run through our minds over and over again? Is there such a thing as emotional memory? Why do I see their faces when I am watching a plot that should not remind me of them? Why don’t I ever think about the girl that sat next to me in second grade, but Dirty Dancing always reminds me of my childhood best friend? I spent more hours next to the nameless girl, but when our puzzle pieces were side by side, we were never a match. Some people do complete us, or at least fit us. As I reflect on my life and mentally divide people into significant and insignificant, I recognize that they were a part of a major storm or joyful celebration in my life. They participated in God speaking the truth of myself to me.

To those of you that I consider part of my puzzle. I am grateful that you fit with me.

Soundtrack: Walk on the Ocean, Toad the Wet Sprocket

I started seminary about a month ago. It has brought to light some of my old demons. I find myself doing everything I can to avoid studying. I have this sense of anxiety when it comes to my school work, but I know God is with me. I know I am following a sense of calling, but I daily struggle with questions of adequacy and authority and legitiamcy. Even when I am sucessful, I am overwhelmed by how good God is to me. I look at my assignments, and initially I feel a wave of difficulty. I toss in the surf, and somehow when I quiet myself to being present with the assignment, it happens effortlessly. I pray that I will learn to submit to God's peace with greater ease as I forge ahead. I hear myself complain about circumstances, and I am aware of the toxicity of it. I feel myself avoiding the work of it all, and I and hate it. I listen to the whispers in the dark instead of nesting my head against the heartbeat of my heavenly Father.

Trinity, Jennifer Knapp

The Gas Station

A few weeks ago I wasn't feeling well so I stopped by the gas station to get some ginger-ale. This was just days after the election, so racial relations had been on my mind. I had on dress pants and heels. I walked to the back of the gas station to look for ginger-ale. I didn't see any, so I started searching all the cases. I realized that it was in the case behind an African American woman who was standing there filling out a lottery ticket. I was happy to wait until she was done, but then she did the strangest thing. She moved out of the way. And the look she gave me was peculiar. I can only compare it to the look I would get when I was in Ghana. It was a look of entitlement, not of my assertion, but of her giving. It disturbed me. At this time in our nation's history we have come too far for me to be given special treatment for my skin color. I wanted her to believe that she had every right to be standing there as I did. How do we change the way people perceive themselves? Is the real fight against discrimination in the mind of those who were once oppressed. Opportunity is widely available to African Americans in America. And, yet for this woman we were as segregated as it was in 1950. I have grown up in a world of integration. I see my African American peers as peers. I do not expect preferential treatment over them. Her behavior struck me as unusual and unfortunate. Is this true? Is it unusual. I am certain that it is indeed unfortunate. I don't know if it is unusual. I consider the election of Barack Obama as opportunity for the African American community to raise up and let go of the lie that they are not entitled to every liberty afforded all in our great country.

I had accumulated a list of topics about which I was going to write, however, after time passing and greater reflection on those topics, I realized that most of them were not noteworthy. This fact is noteworthy for my growing understanding of blogging! Not everything I think is profound will maintain that sense. Giving topics a couple of days to bounce around in my head can be a good thing. Often, if I think it is important NOW it goes in my journal, but that probably should not be the case for blogging.

Soundtrack: Free at Last, DC Talk