I am embracing something I have known about myself for a long time, but never thought to articulate it... I am a beach girl. This was a lesson learned later in my life, having grown up land locked and not a fan of salt water swimming. The kind of beach girl that I am is specific. I am not the kind of person that wants to hang out at the pier and sit shoulder to shoulder with strangers. Yes, I am still a city girl, but this, this moment right now is perfection. It is the perfect manifestation of my softer contemplative side. I have said many times that I need "Jill time," and this is precisely what I mean by that phrase. Most people know my fearless extrovert cheerleader, never met a stranger side. And, yes, I am that. I crave relationship and laughter and peace within community. But, just as much, like the ebb and flow of the ocean I now watch, I need these moments when I can sit and be intimately real. I am simply alone with the love of my life. I also crave peace within solitude. We get so busy hanging out with other people that sometimes I forget to steal away and hang out with my Jesus like this. No study, no singing, just sitting together appreciating something beautiful and our love. I am loud and obnoxious, but I am also quiet and demure. I am submissive and I enjoy the peace of alone. I am a beach girl. I am a city girl. I am a paradox. As most lessons I have learned in my life, this is a "both, and" not "either, or."
Soundtrack: Hungry, Ji Lee and Kevin Mann.
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